It's been a long time since I've done this. Spilled my thoughts on the internet. Well, this internet anyway. Things are tough right now, and I'm feeling kind of down, so just as a warning, this is an emo entry so you can stop now if you'd like. I think it'll help me to put some of it down.
A few nights ago, I made friends with a girl named Maria. I found out right afterwards that her mother is dying of cancer. Actually, she chose to die. She was diagnosed two years ago and had a great chance of surviving, but decided against treatment. Her husband died twenty years ago. She's leaving three young ladies behind. It seems even more selfish than putting a bullet through your head.
Maria needed help the other night and I helped her. I drove her home when she found out her mother's liver was failing and then visited her in the hospital at two in the morning later on. Since, she's come to rely on talking to me and to lean on my shoulders. I am only too happy to be there for her, though I have to say, being in the middle of it is trying. I feel it. It's heavy.
In my own family, we've got some issues. My grandma, my Mom's mom, lives down in Florida. She is a wreck. I can't begin to tell you the story, but the short is, she's recently divorced her fifth husband who she married last November, she has advanced dimentia, is trying to get over colon cancer, and is a tremendous pain in the ass to boot. She is a nasty, nasty person and I've yet to meet someone who intentionally leaves such a path of mental devestation in their wake. She could make a nun hit her. She is getting more nuts now and can no longer take care of herself. She is calling on my Mother to help her, so she's flying down on Thursday. My mother is beside herself, and has called me three or four times, for an hour at a time, this week alone. I'm very grateful that she feels that she can rely on me. But I'm not getting good news here, and I'm telling you, with constant bad weather, a bad car, and no money, I need good news.
My best friend Steve has got me playing World of Warcraft on a trial subscription. I thought it was fun at first, but I don't know. Maybe with all thats going on, I can't just play and have fun. My mind is running all over and to make time to play seems stressful itself.
I'm finally going on vacation in...well I guess because its so early, tomorrow. I leave for Washington DC to see a long time friend. Its been a long time since I've seen her. Try ten point five years. I'm not sure if the stress of seeing each other and the expectations that come with it got to me or what, but things have been a little rocky the last few days. We fought last night and decided not to talk until we see eachother, which really isn't a big deal because its just a day but it makes me worried that this vacation will be anything but, and if it goes poorly, will I be able to handle all of the above that will be waiting for me when I return?
Of course I can handle it, but will I be up for it, that's the real question.

Oh yeah, one more bitch. I've been trying to get into the school of nursing at the local CC. We all had to apply in mid december and entry is based on GPA. Its the first time they've used GPA as the standard for entry, so no one knows whats needed to get in. There are 216 spots, and 1000 applicants. I got a 3.56 GPA. Far, far, far from a sure thing. My gripe is, is that getting in, or not getting in, will change the course of my life, and they're making us wait until March 17th to tell us the good, or bad, news. I have to tell you, the wait is nothing short of agonizing.

So that's my big bitch. Sorry it had to be like this. I needed to vent.